The relation between sincere respect and its expressions in gestures and words is something like the relation between true Dharma and merely formal Dharma. And yet expressions of respect even when respect is not sincerely felt can still be good. What we can think of as ritual politeness – saying “Thank you” when receiving something, even if we do not feel grateful; asking “How are you?” when greeting someone and not even waiting for a response; saying “I’m sorry” when we do not really feel sorry – can all contribute to smoother social relations. Just as true Dharma is greater than merely formal Dharma, being truly grateful is greater than expressing gratitude in a merely formal way, and heartfelt sincerity is greater than merely conventional politeness, but even social conventions and polite expressions can be an important ingredient in relations between people and can contribute to mutual harmony and respect.

When we bow in respect before a buddha image, is it an expression of deep respect or merely a habit? When the object of our sutra recitation is to get to the end as quickly as possible or to demonstrate skill in reading rapidly, is our recitation anything more than a formality?

When we take a moment to pray with others for world peace, are we expressing a profound aspiration for world peace, an aspiration that is bound to lead to appropriate actions, or are we simply conforming to social expectations? Probably in most cases, the truth lies somewhere in the middle, where our gestures and expressions are neither deeply felt nor completely superficial and empty. It is possible, after all, to be a little sincere or a little grateful. We should, of course, try to become more and more genuinely grateful and sincere, but we should not disparage those important social conventions, often different in different cultures, found in one way or another in virtually all cultures.